Aspergers
April 5, 2008 — xanthippaSince mentioning in past posts that I had Asperger Syndrome, I have received many private messages on this topic….and requests to explain how it affects me - and what strategies I employed to develop coping skills. So, every now and then, I will write a bit about my experiences in this area.
However, before I start, some qualifications are in order…
I am not a physician, and the closest I ever came to being a therapist was an after-school job in a gift shop down the hall from the hotel bar with a pianist so loud, the bartender could not hear ‘life stories’ over the music - so I had to fill in! Whatever I post about Aspergers are my personal experiences, observations and ideas - and are not to be mistaken for an expert opinion or the prevailing medical opinion -or, in fact, any respected opinion on this topic whatsoever. These are just my musings!
Yet, I hope that it might offer an insight into how at least one ‘Aspergers’ brain processes the surrounding world, and help to relieve the frustration that people often experience when dealing with an ‘Aspergers’ child or colleague. And it CAN be challenging!!!
Perhaps I am completely off on this, but it seems to me that what we call ‘Asperger Syndrome’ is actually several very different conditions. They may present similarly, but have underlying causes…and if you read my rants, you know how I abhor it when people confuse symptoms with causes! I can only address my particular variety. ;0)
Aspergers has been described in many ways, given many nicknames: the absentminded professor syndrome, the Silicone Valley syndrome, the uber-geek/nerd syndrome…there are more labels. When I was in high school, I watched the original Star Trek series in order to figure out why some of my classmates kept addressing me as Ms. Spock… Yet lately (and perhaps due to the success of people like Bill Gates - I don’t know if he has Aspergers, but he does have the appearance of a ‘nerd’, just as many ‘Aspies’ do), there has been a literary (well, as close as TV comes) explosion of characters who undeniably portray different manifestations of the Asperger syndrome - outside of the ‘Trekkies’.
This list is not meant to be exhaustive, rather, it is meant to demonstrate the very different ways (and severity - it is much more like a continuum than an on/off thingy) that Aspergers people behave (or, at least, ones that we, Aspies, consider to be ‘our ways’):
Just about everyone (excepting Penny) on ‘The Big Bang Theory’
Dr. Spence Reid from ‘Criminal Minds’
…and that does not even account for Mr. Bean!
So, if this topic is of interest to you, drop in every now and then - more on Aspergers is going to trickle in!
April 16, 2008 at 5:40 am
Hi xanthippa, I am fascinated by this syndrome. I have just discovered my husband might have a combination of this and dyslexia. He has been too ashamed to tell me about it, I suspect because his whole life people has been telling him that he is stupid or something similar. I know it’s not true, he is very good with machines, he has skills in other areas as well, but when it comes to learning a new language and reading, he just cannot seem to grasp anything, which is frustrating for someone his age.
Any tips or tricks as to how i can help him? I have bought various books on dyslexia, and phonetics. It’s not in our language, all in english, but i am trying my best to help him with it.
thanks a lot!
ps: i’m a trekkie too! and i love watching the big bang theory, hilarious!
April 16, 2008 at 10:59 am
Fima,
thank you for your comment.
I will answer some of your questions in my next post - it is a little ‘longish’! ;o)
May 1, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Monk is a serious case of OCD, so I’m not sure whether there are also aspie traits there. The main person in Bones is certainly an aspie. Another one is niggling at the back of my mind–one that’s not too obvious–maybe I’ll think of it eventually.
May 2, 2008 at 11:52 pm
OCD is often co-occurring with Aspergeres…
In addition, there are several signinficant non-OCD traits that Monk exhibits. I am not a professional in this field, so this is just my personal, untrained opinion…
But when you observe how Mr. Monk is unaware that he is doing EXACTLY the behaviour he criticized others for, how he is unable to read body language and facial expressions (and thus remains in the dark as to how his behaviour affects others), the way he ‘replays’ memories as if these were videos….how he can notice details and fit these into a larger, underlying pattern, how ‘full engagement’ in fulfilling a task can cause him to overcome his phobias - these are all qualities/traits (it’s a gift, and it’s a curse - depending which side of the divide you are looking at it from and the time of observation). And they are also traits associated with Aspergers…
By the way: I LOVE your graphic!
May 7, 2008 at 12:21 pm
My mother thinks I may have Aspergers, and she has had me read several books about it. I feel like several of those books were novels with me as the main character.
June 1, 2008 at 1:48 pm
A really good book to read is Dr. Tony Attwood’s “The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome.”
Also, Asperger’s Syndrome isn’t a doom dx. For example, Carol Gray and Dr. Attwood put together this document called “The Discovery of ‘Aspie’ Criteria.” - http://www.thegraycenter.org/sectionsdetails.cfm?id=38
Really good.
June 1, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Thank you, I will look for the book!
And I DO agree with you: Aspergers is NOT a doom dx. The way I see it (if I may quote Mr. Monk): It’s a gift, and it’s a curse!
Being the way I am, I am quite happy. Sure, I’d love to improve things - and work to do so - but I would not like to fundamentally alter who I AM: removing my Aspie nature would do so.
I think that yes, Aspies develop different skills, and ‘overall’ skills, at a different rate from the general population. That is why things commonly taught to little kids are not ‘grasped’ by Aspies…and if they are never re-visited, these skills may never end up being acquired!
In other words, ‘neurotypical’ kids would be just as lost if they were thrown into a social and educational system which based its expectations and developmental milestones on Aspie kids…. They would never learn social skills, because these would not be taught them at an age at which their brain can process them. They would have trouble with many school subjects, because curricula would be ordered quite differently. Teaching methods would be very different. Test systems would be oral for much of gradeschool - written tests would not even be started until grades 7/8… And gym classes would focus on chess, and other ‘proper’ sports! Gym would CERTAINLY not involve irrational group sports, like soccer, basketball, and so-on. Calculating the trajectory of a projectile might be more valued than actually catching that ball…
My goal in writing about my personal experiences with Aspergers (and I was ‘pushed’ by a few teachers and a high-school principal acquaintances of mine) is to show how differently I (and my kids/friends) perceived things, how differenly we processed them - and how to develop ‘coping skills’ in order to live in at least partial ‘harmony’ with the age-appropriate expectations of kids in our society. Not because we need to cope with Aspergers - rather, because we need to interact and at least partially fit in to a world on non-Aspies.
After all, if a kid - who is not dumb at all, just learns differently and at different rates - keeps being frustrated in ‘everything’ - school and social relationships, it is possible this person will ’shut down’ and stop trying….that did happen to me for a few years. I would NOT wish it on my worst enemy…
But, many Aspies can use the ‘Aspie uniqueness’ to achieve things other people would find difficult - seemingly effortlessly! Yet, they just have to get to that ‘higher’ point where they CAN start doing it - and still be ‘undamaged’ … that is, WILLING TO TRY! Having the confidence to try! Not getting there already convinced by ‘everyone’ - parents, teachers, peers - that they are a spaz and an idiot and a weirdo who can’t possibly succeed at anything…
Let me give you an example. I was successful in my professional field. When I had my kids, I took time off to raise them. As they were getting older, the headhunters started calling, with 6-figure jobs they tried to entice me to (Hi-tech world, C-level positions). But, I know I am obsessive, and I could not commit to a job where I would be this very involved….not yet, anyway! Not really listening and misunderstanding the situation, my dad - honestly and ardently trying to be helpful to me - came over with a brochure showing a basic accounting course. Why? He thought that if I took that course, then perhaps somebody would hire me… And he was very encouraging, trying to explain he believed in me, and I might be able to handle basic accounting skills….it was not beyond me…I should try!
Encouragement like this can be deadly to one’s self-perception!
Which is why I am hoping to break this cycle….show people the tools I used, and tools which helped my kids, to break out of this (perhaps too late for those who knew me as a child…
image, because I do think that the very things that hinder Aspies when they are expected to fit it with other kids, are the very things that CAN help them rise above the crowd!